Exhausted. Another sleepless night endured. Desire to sleep is almost overwhelming and I struggle to find the correct words to use in my typing. It has just hit 11:30am and I've been awake since 4.13am yesterday morning.
What is the main cause of my insomnia? Well currently it is pain. My fucking jaw throbs so damn bad at night as soon as I lay down. The trouble is, I cannot fall asleep sitting up so I spent the a large portion of the night sitting huddled with head and arms on knees. I was wishing for death. I am so close to snapping as this ever continuing pain is butchering my enjoyment of, and enthusiasm for, life itself.
I dream of the day when my turn comes for the dental clinic and I can get the offending teeth treated appropriately. Right now I also dream of consuming copious amounts of Morphine and other opiates to just be free of the pain. I just want to feel happy and balanced and not always fighting the psychological effects of prolonged pain.
God, can you please help? This suffering is causing me to resent everything and everyone and that is not me.
Please pray a few words for me.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I Am the Headlight and Not the Rabbit
Psilocybe mushrooms were on the menu for yesterdays breakfast.
17 raw and fresh shrooms so generously donated to myself from a caring friend.
Oh the fun I had! Complete dissolution of the torridness of life in ever so freshly fungal form!
I must point out that mushrooms in general are my most detested of foodstuff. Awfulness with a capital A...but knowing the pleasure that awaited me; I eagerly, although with extreme difficulty, swallowed every shroom chopped up and chased with water. No chewing involved!
Most of the realizations I experienced whilst entranced were nothing short of amazing. Intimately personal, I was shown a lot about the core of my being and as a result I am feeling so much more happy with who I am and why I am here. For the moment I will not share too much as I am still remembering, comprehending and considering what I was shown about myself.
I sincerely believe that magic mushrooms are a gift from our Creator God. I have never felt so close to Him and All That Is.
Rediscovering love is something I am strongly being persuaded by my inner spirit to hurry and achieve and I desire to love all. Also, regaining empathy and to strengthen my compassion for others were also major 'messages'
Consider it.
With Love and Light.
Smile like you mean it!
17 raw and fresh shrooms so generously donated to myself from a caring friend.
Oh the fun I had! Complete dissolution of the torridness of life in ever so freshly fungal form!
I must point out that mushrooms in general are my most detested of foodstuff. Awfulness with a capital A...but knowing the pleasure that awaited me; I eagerly, although with extreme difficulty, swallowed every shroom chopped up and chased with water. No chewing involved!
Most of the realizations I experienced whilst entranced were nothing short of amazing. Intimately personal, I was shown a lot about the core of my being and as a result I am feeling so much more happy with who I am and why I am here. For the moment I will not share too much as I am still remembering, comprehending and considering what I was shown about myself.
I sincerely believe that magic mushrooms are a gift from our Creator God. I have never felt so close to Him and All That Is.
Rediscovering love is something I am strongly being persuaded by my inner spirit to hurry and achieve and I desire to love all. Also, regaining empathy and to strengthen my compassion for others were also major 'messages'
Consider it.
With Love and Light.
Smile like you mean it!
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