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Finally, after such a lengthy time I finally relented and sought dental help and got my very aching tooth pulled. Fuck man, the relief I feel right now is amazing. Granted, the tooth still hurts but it is piss weak pain compared to the stabbing knife pains!
It was only after an essentially forced visit to ER by my mother that I went. At least I was given an Oxycodone script for 20 x 5mg tabs, fuck, better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick! These pills helped in the few days it took to get into a dentist.
Now I'm on Augmentin Duo Forte (Amoxycillin/Clavulanic Acid) for the infection which decided to settle in two days after the painful tooth was pulled.
My garden is looking extremely well and I hope to have some new pics up very soon, although not many more varieties of flowers have emerged beside the Giganteum poppies.
I won't right much more for now as no mofo reads this shit anyway! If you do well god damn me and drop a line!
I am terrible. When it comes to acquiring pharmaceuticals I find the actor in comes alive, and I'm no actor by all means.
This doctor I visited so apprehensively yesterday to acquire my next two months of daily drugs, and one of those drugs is a 5mg tablet called Valium. Now I don't find Valium particularly appealing myself but fuck me, whenever there is a chance to acquiring Valium (or any other quality pharm), them most likely I will take it just to see what it does!
This was yesterday, now I only have less than 15 pills and my mind is wondering where the hell they all went? Did I sleepwalk last night (as I do) and actually consume a dose equating 10 tablets? I don't remember except I slept through the whole night (first time in months!).
If this is true then I must have sleepwalked and no wonder I woke up so late today, groggy as hell!
Ah, pill adventures! Too bad I never remember them!
I tried to add a pic to this post but for some reason I cannot...
With Love and Light
Exhausted. Another sleepless night endured. Desire to sleep is almost overwhelming and I struggle to find the correct words to use in my typing. It has just hit 11:30am and I've been awake since 4.13am yesterday morning.
What is the main cause of my insomnia? Well currently it is pain. My fucking jaw throbs so damn bad at night as soon as I lay down. The trouble is, I cannot fall asleep sitting up so I spent the a large portion of the night sitting huddled with head and arms on knees. I was wishing for death. I am so close to snapping as this ever continuing pain is butchering my enjoyment of, and enthusiasm for, life itself.
I dream of the day when my turn comes for the dental clinic and I can get the offending teeth treated appropriately. Right now I also dream of consuming copious amounts of Morphine and other opiates to just be free of the pain. I just want to feel happy and balanced and not always fighting the psychological effects of prolonged pain.
God, can you please help? This suffering is causing me to resent everything and everyone and that is not me.
Please pray a few words for me.
Here I sit this cold Thursday morning, unmedicated and feeling very uneasy. I don't like feeling like this, not one bit. I've yet to visit the pharmacy to get today's and the next few days doses of Suboxone.
Granted my mind is clearer than 'normal', but when I'm unmedicated for hours upon waking, the shy and withdrawn 'me' that once was is dominant. Sickened by my love of pharmaceutical compounds, this is when I most desire to stop using all medications. Although I am on a very slow reduction of Suboxone at 1mg per month, this has been halted by my doctor due to emerging disturbances in my mood.
But then again, perhaps I am here to experience these things and not worry so much about whether I am on Suboxone or Lexapro etc. To just enjoy my life instead of worrying about everything. I just despise withdrawal.
This is why I don't like to be without my drugs, I actually take the time to worry about things when I'm without!
I much prefer to live by the advice of Maharaji, and have inner peace whilst still doing all the things I enjoy.
If it is meant to happen, it will.
With Love and Light.
Psilocybe mushrooms were on the menu for yesterdays breakfast.
17 raw and fresh shrooms so generously donated to myself from a caring friend.
Oh the fun I had! Complete dissolution of the torridness of life in ever so freshly fungal form!
I must point out that mushrooms in general are my most detested of foodstuff. Awfulness with a capital A...but knowing the pleasure that awaited me; I eagerly, although with extreme difficulty, swallowed every shroom chopped up and chased with water. No chewing involved!
Most of the realizations I experienced whilst entranced were nothing short of amazing. Intimately personal, I was shown a lot about the core of my being and as a result I am feeling so much more happy with who I am and why I am here. For the moment I will not share too much as I am still remembering, comprehending and considering what I was shown about myself.
I sincerely believe that magic mushrooms are a gift from our Creator God. I have never felt so close to Him and All That Is.
Rediscovering love is something I am strongly being persuaded by my inner spirit to hurry and achieve and I desire to love all. Also, regaining empathy and to strengthen my compassion for others were also major 'messages'
Consider it.
With Love and Light.
Smile like you mean it!
