skip to main |
skip to sidebar
4:19am as I begin this post thanks to yet another early wakening thanks to the oh so familiar jaw pain. Anyway off that shit...
I've been reading a fascinating yet extremely disturbing true life book called 'The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things' by J.T. Leroy...it is a book that must be read to comprehend the horror of this story and journey.
As I sit here smoking some quality dope, I'm finally allowed some respite from severe pain...it's now just an ever present throb. Maybe Valium will help relax me too!
I have to meet up with my ex-man later today for us to return each others belonging. Originally he was being a horrid bastard the past few weeks but yesterday surprised me by not demanding all the gifts back as he was doing recently.
I hope it all goes well and I shall relate what happened here later on.
With Love and Light and lots of 11:11's to you all :)
Exhausted. Another sleepless night endured. Desire to sleep is almost overwhelming and I struggle to find the correct words to use in my typing. It has just hit 11:30am and I've been awake since 4.13am yesterday morning.
What is the main cause of my insomnia? Well currently it is pain. My fucking jaw throbs so damn bad at night as soon as I lay down. The trouble is, I cannot fall asleep sitting up so I spent the a large portion of the night sitting huddled with head and arms on knees. I was wishing for death. I am so close to snapping as this ever continuing pain is butchering my enjoyment of, and enthusiasm for, life itself.
I dream of the day when my turn comes for the dental clinic and I can get the offending teeth treated appropriately. Right now I also dream of consuming copious amounts of Morphine and other opiates to just be free of the pain. I just want to feel happy and balanced and not always fighting the psychological effects of prolonged pain.
God, can you please help? This suffering is causing me to resent everything and everyone and that is not me.
Please pray a few words for me.
