Post Valium Binge

After having consumed 30 of the 5mg Valium tabs over the past few days, today is the day I have ran out and am in the process of regaining my emotional state again.



I still feel very much affected by the 'Sweet, Refreshing' Valium and am still so calm in every possible way, which is not a bad thing at all for me.

Knowing my drugs (Yes I'm a Drug Geek!)I know what is currently affecting my is the metabolite Nordiazepam. This is what regular Diazepam (Valium) metabolizes to inside the body. I spend vast amounts of time investigating and researching every drug of interest, hell every possible thing that catches my attention I must research or k now the basics.

As you can obviously tell I'm fucking fascinated with pharmacology and how drugs work in the body...it's my niche! Experiment and document!

Back to how I feel...

A slight hint of apathy and a desire to take more tabs but thankfully I have no more left.

This is a visual of how I feel!



Surprisingly I've been active today, having just completed 4 hours of gardening and lawn mowing! I like this feeling. I am energized after the recent complete apathetic bliss I've so recently experienced!

Tomorrow I will be slightly edgy. I know this from past experience but I'm comforted by the fact I have a full day of work tomorrow, thus occupying my mind for 10 hours of the day! The fact that I have a love/hate relationship with Diazepam works in my favor as I now will not desire to be so out of it for quite awhile now!

Tomorrow...



End of post, hope you liked!

With Love and Light

Diazepam Downfall

I am terrible. When it comes to acquiring pharmaceuticals I find the actor in comes alive, and I'm no actor by all means.

This doctor I visited so apprehensively yesterday to acquire my next two months of daily drugs, and one of those drugs is a 5mg tablet called Valium. Now I don't find Valium particularly appealing myself but fuck me, whenever there is a chance to acquiring Valium (or any other quality pharm), them most likely I will take it just to see what it does!

This was yesterday, now I only have less than 15 pills and my mind is wondering where the hell they all went? Did I sleepwalk last night (as I do) and actually consume a dose equating 10 tablets? I don't remember except I slept through the whole night (first time in months!).

If this is true then I must have sleepwalked and no wonder I woke up so late today, groggy as hell!

Ah, pill adventures! Too bad I never remember them!

I tried to add a pic to this post but for some reason I cannot...

With Love and Light

The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things

4:19am as I begin this post thanks to yet another early wakening thanks to the oh so familiar jaw pain. Anyway off that shit...

I've been reading a fascinating yet extremely disturbing true life book called 'The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things' by J.T. Leroy...it is a book that must be read to comprehend the horror of this story and journey.



As I sit here smoking some quality dope, I'm finally allowed some respite from severe pain...it's now just an ever present throb. Maybe Valium will help relax me too!

I have to meet up with my ex-man later today for us to return each others belonging. Originally he was being a horrid bastard the past few weeks but yesterday surprised me by not demanding all the gifts back as he was doing recently.

I hope it all goes well and I shall relate what happened here later on.

With Love and Light and lots of 11:11's to you all :)

Ex Boyfriend Harrasment

Being bombarded with emails, sms's, phone calls and snail mail by my ex is really beginning to cramp my style.

I'm starting to feel extremely disturbed at his attempts to make me feel bad and ever calling me nasty, saying that I take pleasure in hurting people, especially him.

Poor misguided fool. As an INFP personality type according to repeated Myers-Briggs personality tests, I know his assumptions are dead wrong and thoroughly misguided. I avoid conflict like the plague and never set out to deliberately hurt another human being, especially one I have feelings for.

What my ex man failed to realize was that one cannot have a truly open relationship with a drug addict like me. I told him this repeatedly.

Right now I've swallowed 5 Valium and 5 Tramadol just for the sake of it as I'm very upset.

We have arranged to talk tomorrow in person to return each others belongings and I sure hope it goes well.

Wish me luck

With Love and Light