Here I sit this cold Thursday morning, unmedicated and feeling very uneasy. I don't like feeling like this, not one bit. I've yet to visit the pharmacy to get today's and the next few days doses of Suboxone.
Granted my mind is clearer than 'normal', but when I'm unmedicated for hours upon waking, the shy and withdrawn 'me' that once was is dominant. Sickened by my love of pharmaceutical compounds, this is when I most desire to stop using all medications. Although I am on a very slow reduction of Suboxone at 1mg per month, this has been halted by my doctor due to emerging disturbances in my mood.
But then again, perhaps I am here to experience these things and not worry so much about whether I am on Suboxone or Lexapro etc. To just enjoy my life instead of worrying about everything. I just despise withdrawal.
This is why I don't like to be without my drugs, I actually take the time to worry about things when I'm without!
I much prefer to live by the advice of Maharaji, and have inner peace whilst still doing all the things I enjoy.
If it is meant to happen, it will.
With Love and Light.
Showing posts with label Moods. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moods. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
The Pain - The Dog -
Consuming copious amounts of strong hot tea as is the norm, I'm feeling quite buzzed this morning; this is always a good sign that my day might be ok!
The dental pain has subsided to a tolerable light ache and the Tramadol has worn off. I have none of these pills left now thanks to my desperation binge yesterday, now I'm down to clove oil with benzocaine. Such is my life and this is the norm.
Waiting for that letter in the mail confirming my dental operation is just as agonizing as the pain. Relying on the public health system has its downfalls...
As my dog lays next to me snoring and I look down at him, I'm struck by a feeling that could be described as love or compassion. It makes me realize I genuinely enjoy his company and I really would be devastated were he to go missing or die.
He doesn't answer back and is always happy to see me, unless he senses that I am in a dark mood, whereupon he'll just sit and watch me until I call him over. It's awesome that he knows when I need company and when I need to be alone! Good boy!
I don't want any human company today.
It is written.
The dental pain has subsided to a tolerable light ache and the Tramadol has worn off. I have none of these pills left now thanks to my desperation binge yesterday, now I'm down to clove oil with benzocaine. Such is my life and this is the norm.
Waiting for that letter in the mail confirming my dental operation is just as agonizing as the pain. Relying on the public health system has its downfalls...
As my dog lays next to me snoring and I look down at him, I'm struck by a feeling that could be described as love or compassion. It makes me realize I genuinely enjoy his company and I really would be devastated were he to go missing or die.
He doesn't answer back and is always happy to see me, unless he senses that I am in a dark mood, whereupon he'll just sit and watch me until I call him over. It's awesome that he knows when I need company and when I need to be alone! Good boy!
I don't want any human company today.
It is written.
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