Ex Boyfriend Harrasment

Being bombarded with emails, sms's, phone calls and snail mail by my ex is really beginning to cramp my style.

I'm starting to feel extremely disturbed at his attempts to make me feel bad and ever calling me nasty, saying that I take pleasure in hurting people, especially him.

Poor misguided fool. As an INFP personality type according to repeated Myers-Briggs personality tests, I know his assumptions are dead wrong and thoroughly misguided. I avoid conflict like the plague and never set out to deliberately hurt another human being, especially one I have feelings for.

What my ex man failed to realize was that one cannot have a truly open relationship with a drug addict like me. I told him this repeatedly.

Right now I've swallowed 5 Valium and 5 Tramadol just for the sake of it as I'm very upset.

We have arranged to talk tomorrow in person to return each others belongings and I sure hope it goes well.

Wish me luck

With Love and Light

The Pain - The Dog -

Consuming copious amounts of strong hot tea as is the norm, I'm feeling quite buzzed this morning; this is always a good sign that my day might be ok!

The dental pain has subsided to a tolerable light ache and the Tramadol has worn off. I have none of these pills left now thanks to my desperation binge yesterday, now I'm down to clove oil with benzocaine. Such is my life and this is the norm.

Waiting for that letter in the mail confirming my dental operation is just as agonizing as the pain. Relying on the public health system has its downfalls...

As my dog lays next to me snoring and I look down at him, I'm struck by a feeling that could be described as love or compassion. It makes me realize I genuinely enjoy his company and I really would be devastated were he to go missing or die.

He doesn't answer back and is always happy to see me, unless he senses that I am in a dark mood, whereupon he'll just sit and watch me until I call him over. It's awesome that he knows when I need company and when I need to be alone! Good boy!

I don't want any human company today.

It is written.

Pop That Tramadol Baby!

Pain.

My worst enemy, yet most familiar to me.

Several painful cavities throb in my lower jaw, teeth destroyed by dissolving sublingual buprenorphine tablets. Gradually eroding the enamel off of the teeth with it's hydrochloride base. Hardcore pharmaceutical candy with a toxic lemon/lime flavor.

Being the risk taker that I am, I took a total of 10 tramadol hydrochloride (500mg) all at once to ease myself of this suffering. I am very high, and feel as if I am floating outside of my own body and that my soul is bouncing when I walk. The pain has dissipated, although I am aware that the pain is still lightly there, my mind is now occupied by the tramadol.

An uneasy thought has washed over me just now, and that is that I could be going through Serotonin Syndrome with the way I feel right now.

Tramadol doesn't feel much like other opioids, rather it feels like a cheap synthetic high. I am just happy to not be in pain for a little while. Lexapro, Tramadol and Buprenorphine are probably not the safest combination.

As I said earlier, I'm a risk taker.

And I love it!

I need caffeine...