Here I sit this cold Thursday morning, unmedicated and feeling very uneasy. I don't like feeling like this, not one bit. I've yet to visit the pharmacy to get today's and the next few days doses of Suboxone.
Granted my mind is clearer than 'normal', but when I'm unmedicated for hours upon waking, the shy and withdrawn 'me' that once was is dominant. Sickened by my love of pharmaceutical compounds, this is when I most desire to stop using all medications. Although I am on a very slow reduction of Suboxone at 1mg per month, this has been halted by my doctor due to emerging disturbances in my mood.
But then again, perhaps I am here to experience these things and not worry so much about whether I am on Suboxone or Lexapro etc. To just enjoy my life instead of worrying about everything. I just despise withdrawal.
This is why I don't like to be without my drugs, I actually take the time to worry about things when I'm without!
I much prefer to live by the advice of Maharaji, and have inner peace whilst still doing all the things I enjoy.
If it is meant to happen, it will.
With Love and Light.
Waking from a dream
2 months ago
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